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The arrival of a baby is always a great reason for joy, hope, nerves, but also a certain fear and anguish. An amalgam of conflicting feelings that becomes even greater in cases whose arrival occurs after the loss of a previous child, due to abortion or perinatal death (days before, during or after delivery). Therefore, in Guiainfantil.com we give you some advice on how to welcome a rainbow baby, that little one who returns joy to a family that has suffered a loss.
These babies who are called rainbow babies, as a symbol of the light they bring after the storm that has caused the death of a child in such circumstances, are babies with the same needs for love, attention and care as any other but who they come to the family in different and very special conditions. So it is important that the parents in particular but also the rest of the family in general, are prepared to receive this new member with all the love, affection and affection that they will need, avoiding the harmful overprotection that would make it so difficult. its further development process.
Before going into offering a list of tips for receiving a rainbow baby, I would like to emphasize the need to see a perinatal psychologist, specialist in the field of psycho-affective aspects related to conception, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum and early parenting, if we have suffered the loss of a baby and are expecting another.
Why? Well, because it is important that as moms we have been able to develop our grieving process and that we have specialized professional help in the event that we need it before embarking on the journey of a new motherhood and entering it with all the psychological strength that parenting requires of any little one.
These are some of the tips to keep in mind to receive a rainbow baby with a lot of love.
1. Take time for grief and recovery of emotional balance
One of the first tips for receiving a rainbow baby would be to let some time pass before looking for a new pregnancy.
This time it takes not only to recover physically if not to be able to elaborate the grieving process after the loss and recover emotionally. Each case will be different and the recovery process will require more or less time depending on many variables that we cannot address in this post but that have to do with the mother's personality, the circumstances in which the baby's death occurred. and the support network the family can count on.
Having the time and space to be able to grieve with all that this means, that is, to be able to express and channel the pain, anger and sadness that we feel favors that the new pregnancy can be lived without so much anxiety, fear and doubts. Although this does not mean that they disappear completely.
2. Work on the affective bond from day one
Related to the previous point, it is important that the affective bond is worked from the first day with the new baby. We know that some moms who have gone through these circumstances have serious difficulties bonding with their new babies from the very day they know they are pregnant again for fear that something similar will happen to them again.
That is why it is so important to seek professional help because the development of a secure bond with the mother is essential for the baby, also for a rainbow baby. And this is achieved having the possibility of having a calm, secure and emotionally stable mother that adequately responds to your baby's needs before and after birth.
A secure bond with the attachment figures is the basis for the prevention of many later problems, such as some anxiety disorders, depression, anorexia, bulimia or other conduct disorders.
3. Encourage individuality without burdens
Although this point seems obvious the new baby does not come into the world to replace the one who died. This baby, like any other, needs to be able to be himself, without inherited backpacks and with the possibility of developing his own individuality, without having to suffer the weight of the loss of that brother he never knew.
This does not mean that we do not talk about him and what happened to him, quite the opposite. It is very important and necessary for everyone to be able to explain the family history and never hide the truth from it. But it also means avoiding supplying one child for another, as was done in the past when even the new baby was named after the deceased, something that implied a very heavy burden that he had to carry for life.
4. Love without being overprotective
The arrival of this new member of the family, so desired, sought after and loved, can also mean the adoption of a parental style based on overprotection. With the best of intentions, parents with this style try by all means keep your baby away from any noise, stimulation, or mishaps that can appear not only during the first days of life, but also throughout the following years, preventing their children from fully developing in all senses: psychologically, socially, personally and academically.
5. Seek professional help
Seek professional help whenever you feel the need for it, if you feel sad or overwhelmed, if you think the situation is over you or you do not bond as you would like with your little one. Remember that perinatal psychologists They are the best professionals to help you overcome this situation. So do not let time pass and put yourself in his hands as soon as possible because that way you will also help your baby grow healthy.
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