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Controlling, too permissive, laid-back, 'yelling' ... there are as many types of mothers as there are mothers on the planet. It is clear that each mother is unique and particular. And yet there are certain characteristics that define and 'label' them in certain groups. From there, we can analyze what the children of mothers who make 'certain mistakes' are like. Because we already know, children are a reflection, after all, of the education they receive and how their parents are.
Here's a list, which may or may not come a little closer to the type of mother you are. We focus mainly on the big mistakes of some mothers. If you feel identified with any of them, look for the characteristics of your child. Will it be right? Well yes: this is your son according to the type of mother you are.
Look for your personality and find out more about your child: this is your son according to the type of mother you are. Remember that there can always be variations between various types of mothers. We only analyze negative behaviors towards children:
1. Controlling mother. She is the typical mother who needs to control everything, absolutely everything that her child does. Who does he go with, what does he do, if he studies, if he does not study, what friends he has ... He is capable of organizing and disorganizing his son's life at will. It leaves no string untied, and no room for improvisation. Everything must be planned. And of course, it achieves it through rules and more rules, limits and more limits ...
- How is your son? This type of mother generates in the son an absolute dependence and lack of autonomy. In addition, he will constantly ask for his mother's approval in everything he does. He will end up acting like her and demanding control of his life when he grows up. This will make you, like your mother, go through periods of depression and great distress.
- How to solve this? If you feel identified with this type of mother, you should relax, soften the rules and give your child more space. Let it be free. Rules yes, but without ending up being a bondage or a prison.
2. Hyper-protective mother. His maxim is that your child does not have to suffer or go through any difficult test, lest the frustration cause him pain. Therefore, you try to avoid obstacles, difficulties and 'possible scolding' for your child for something he did wrong or did not do. He is able to finish his son's homework when he sleeps because he was forgotten or to agree to delete him from any activity just 'because he doesn't like it'.
- How is your son? Your son grows up fragile and with a low tolerance for frustration, as he was never faced with it. In reality, when he grows up and faces real problems, he won't have enough tools to fix it, since he won't have practiced problem solving (since his mother was already doing it for him).
- How to solve this? You can't be solving your child's problems for life. Overprotection doesn't do you any good, and you know it. Although in the beginning you save him 'a dislike', in the end, he will suffer the same (or worse). Overprotection nullifies your child's self-esteem and autonomy. You should let him 'stumble more' and learn to stand up and take responsibility for his mistakes.
3. Absorbing mother. Do you know what that typical mother is like who needs to know everything about her child? If necessary, he is able to read his personal diary. The case is to feel 'camouflaged' with your child, to the point of nullifying the child's personality. She manages to create a great dependency on her. He knows so many things about him ... the boy feels totally united. Too close.
- How is your son? Submissive, very submissive. Your child will constantly ask for his mother's opinion. This affects their autonomy and behavior. He will have low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. After all, his mother is already in charge of overriding his personality, projecting her own on him.
- How to solve this? Your child doesn't have to be like you. From the day he is born, he begins to be a unique 'little person', and it depends on you that he can develop his own personality. Give him space, strengthen and encourage his critical thinking. Ask him to give his opinion, to reflect on his actions ... to think for himself.
4. Manipulative mother. That my son has won the race? It's because I've trained her hard ... that my daughter got an A in math? It is because I spent the whole afternoon with her teaching her to do the operations ... The manipulative mother is capable of making her son believe that his success is achieved thanks to her. It also has the power to make her change her mind (with great dexterity) of whatever she wants. Or get him to stop seeing that kid he likes to play with so much in the end ... because he makes him see that he's a bad influence on him.
- How is your son? You will constantly seek to please others, above your happiness. He will be very submissive and will not trust himself enough (normal, since in the end he does not get to do what he wants, but what his mother really wants). They will manipulate you very easily.
- How to solve this? Don't ask your child for so much information. Don't run your life. Let him decide what he wants to be, what he wants to do ... you can always guide, but never impose.
5. 'Guilty' mother. They are the typical mothers who manage to create in their child a constant feeling of guilt and remorse. Extremely moralistic, they put the concept of 'what is wrong and hurts others' before everything else, in such a way that they make their child feel that he is to blame over everything he does. Furthermore, he presents himself to others as 'the victim'. Seeks to inspire pity and compassion. 'What a great pain you give me, son ...' 'You're going to break my heart' ... 'Don't you think like me? You look like my enemy! '...
- How is your son? She feels guilty and constantly seeks to 'alleviate' her mother's grief and please her, so she ends up losing her autonomy and prefers to direct her actions with the sole purpose of 'not hurting her mother'. You will always think that you owe something to others.
- How to solve this? You have to avoid by all means controlling your 'victimizer streak'. You cannot imagine the damage that your supposed pain does to your child. You can educate your child in morality without having to constantly feel guilty about everything he does, don't you think?
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